awkwardness.

for those of you that enjoy a good awkward story, get ready because I have one. so I was chatting one of my friends on Facebook and she was telling me about how she thought this guy didn't like her and how she felt really bad. well, my phone froze while reading it and it took the last sentence and a half and copied it. I was checking my news feed and as I open the side thing to send her a message, it sent what it had copied to someone that i really wish wouldn't have seen it. It was really awkward. I guess things happen sometimes that we don't want to. finals week is this week in the town that I live in and it's insanely stressful. I am mentally and physically drained. If it weren't for the amazing iBethel videos that I stream while studying, I wouldn't have much motivation. I am a good student and I get A's and B's. I just don't like all the stress that gets put on with finals. but, Friday at 11:30am, I will be on winter break and done with school for a good while.

new year, new beginning & winter playlist. :)

since 2013 is quickly approaching, I wanted to share some of my new year's resolutions/goals.

- spend time with God every night.
- try to look nice everyday.
- speak out & be bold.

These last few months, I've honestly, every night before bed, been spending time with the Father. He's been revealing so much to me and I have never felt His presence and His wisdom so powerful in my life ever. I feel like my dad has a lot to do with it as well. I feel his presence around me at times as well. One of my goals is to spend time every night before bed, reading my bible & having time with the Father. Another goal I have is kinda ridiculous but I really want to try & achieve it. As of late, I've just been throwing on some sweatpants, a tshirt and put my hair in a ponytail for school. I'm not by any means saying its bad, but whenever I take an extra 20 minutes in the morning to actually do something with my hair or do my makeup, it makes me have a more positive outlook on my day. so, I'm going to try and do that more frequently then I currently do at the moment. My last goal is something that I tend to not do a whole lot. I can be really shy and really closed off. I only open up to certain people and that's only if I really trust them. I tried being more loud and that just backfired terribly. I wasn't being me. My goal for this year isn't to be louder vocally, but to be more bold in stepping out in my faith and not letting people stomp all over me. I don't like fighting back with people. I also tend to be really awkward around guys, if Iike them or not. so, that's deck items something else I'm working on. :) ill be updating you guys on how these are going for me & if anything changes.

before I go, I wanted to share some of my favorite songs with you all. :) (some are old, some are new)

she will be loved - maroon 5
the a team - ed sheeran
a thousand years (part two) - christina perri
heart of stone - iko
one thirst - jeremy riddle & steffany frizzell
I really love you - brian & jenn johnson
parking lot party - lee brice
everything has changed - taylor swift & ed sheeran
titanium - david guetta & sia
rochester - mat kearney

nice girls always finish last.

there's a fairly common thing that guys tend to believe: nice guys always finish last. they think that if they are the traditional "nice guy", they won't get the girl they want. well guys, here's some insight to the female mind: that's not true. if anything, it's the other way around. I think it's more like nice girls always finish last. it's usually the girls with the low-cut shirts and the short shorts that guys usually go for. the nice modest girls are usually the ones that get forgotten about. I know me personally, I'm a nice girl. I've been that way forever & I don't plan on changing. God sees me righteous and holy in His eyes & I strive to live owning that truth. But sadly, guys don't always see that. I had a bad heartbreak a few months ago and it took a lot for me to move on & keep going. But, I have and it's good. I guess what I'm saying is this. To all my fellow nice girls out there, keep being you. Don't worry about drastically changing who you are for a guy's attention. To all my nice guys, same thing. Keep being your own your identity in the Father and trust that God made us for relationships and community. To anyone anywhere, most of the time, nice girls finish last. But, if you trust that God has someone for you and that He will handle everything. You may end up finishing first.

nice girls always finish last.

there's a fairly common thing that guys tend to believe: nice guys always finish last. they think that if they are the traditional "nice guy", they won't get the girl they want. well guys, here's some insight to the female mind: that's not true. if anything, it's the other way around. I think it's more like nice girls always finish last. it's usually the girls with the low-cut shirts and the short shorts that guys usually go for. the nice modest girls are usually the ones that get forgotten about. I know me personally, I'm a nice girl. I've been that way forever & I don't plan on changing. God sees me righteous and holy in His eyes & I strive to live owning that truth. But sadly, guys don't always see that. I had a bad heartbreak a few months ago and it took a lot for me to move on & keep going. But, I have and it's good. I guess what I'm saying is this. To all my fellow nice girls out there, keep being you. Don't worry about drastically changing who you are for a guy's attention. To all my nice guys, same thing. Keep being your own your identity in the Father and trust that God made us for relationships and community. To anyone anywhere, most of the time, nice girls finish last. But, if you trust that God has someone for you and that He will handle everything.

thankful.

since its thanksgiving week, I thought i'd share some things I am extremely thankful for this year :)

- God :)

God has definitely became my everything this year. He has definitely shown himself to me in new ways and I've grown so much. I am so thankful to have such an amazing God as him and I am so thankful to be loved by him. I wouldn't be me if I didn't have him.

- My family :)

My mom & my brother have ben my rock through everything that has taken place this past year. I love them to death and I would not be who I am without them. We have been through a whole lot together as they have never left my side. They will always be there for me and I know that 100%. Heidi, i know we aren't blood related, but you will always be my aunt :) you are my person to talk to about everything and anything. You are my person to listen to Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift with, to watch Grey's and Y&R with and to make fun crafty things with. Angie and Ali, I love you two so much. You guys are so inspiring and so amazing. I love you two <3

- My dad <3

Even though my dad is spending time with Jesus right now, I am still incredibly thankful for him. His strength is in me now and he taught me so many valuable thins that I will cherish forever.

- My incredible best friends :)

Kristi and Ricajo, I love you both so much. I know it's only been a few years, but it feels like I've known you two forever. You two are the best friends I could ask for. I love you tel to death. I would do anything for you two and you both are such beautiful, confident daughters of God and you guys continue to inspire and encourage me everyday. You two are the definition of beautiful :) Thanks for being there no matter what and for never leaving my side <3 Krista, you are the most loving person I have ever met. You are so incredible and I love you to pieces. Mento, I wish I saw you more because I honestly haven't seen you in forever. Thanks for all our laughs and all our amazing memories that we have had since kindergarten :) I love you! Heather, thanks for being my person to keep me going and to always be there no matter what. Our band memories will always be the highlight of high school for me. I've loved seeing your relationship with God grow in the past year :) Kales, thanks for always giving incredible advice and for always being there to have a good laugh when we need it. Abbie, you are so amazing and confident. I wish I was you sometimes ;) thanks for all the good times we have together and for all our adventures :) Bradley, David, & Tyler, thanks for all the laughs we've had together. You guys are some of the most hilarious, encouraging people on the planet. :) Amanda, thanks for being so amazing :) I love all our texts and all our hilarious times together. I wish we saw each other more :( Carlie, you are so awesome :) there's more to you then most people realize. I can be myself with you and I love that. You are so gorgeous and you're awesome :) Josh, Patience, & Brys, I love all of you guys. Your family is pretty fantastic, especially because you all are in it. Thanks for everything you guys do :)

- My church & my church family :)

My church is my favorite place in the entire world. I love being there because God is in total control. I love how close we all are and I love that I'm part of such an amazing family. All my Revolution & Kingdom Kids people, thanks for being you. :) you guys are amazing. To my 2 year old class, I love you guys! I am so blessed to get to hang out with you guys and to get to see you guys grow :) to my rev small group girls, I love you all dearly :) you all are the best!

- the adult worship team :)

my favorite thing to do is worship musically. I love doing it on my own, but I also love doing it with the two teams I serve with. Susan & Daniel, thank you for being such incredible role models. You two are amazing leaders and I have learned so much from you two. Martha, Danny, Jeff & Mark, you guys have amazing hearts for worship and I love spending time with you guys. :)


- my rev worship team :)

Judah, thanks for being such a great co-leader in Revolution. I feel so comfortable talking and leading with you and that means the world to me. :) Kristi, Jonny, Brys and Patience, thanks for being so willing to serve and give your all to worship. :) you all are incredible musicians and friends.

- Thad/Daddeus :)

Thad, you are the absolute best. God gave me a seriously amazing gift when he gave me your friendship. You are a mentor and best friend to me. You have always been there. You are my Daddeus and I appreciate you so much. Thanks for putting up with me and for all the wisdom and advice you have given me. I love you so much, thanks for everything.

- my mentors :)

I have already mentioned a few (my mom, Heidi, Ali, Susan, Daniel, Thad) but I want to mention a few more. Morgan, thanks for being my big sister :) I hope I can become such a strong woman of God like you are. I'm so excited for your future with Marek. He's really awesome and genuine and i couldn't be happier for you two. Jo, you are so incredibly beautiful. Your confidence is so encouraging. I respect you so much. You have such a beautiful voice & I love you so much. :) Leah, you are such a great pastor and most of all, friend. You have a way of saying things that I understand them a billion times better. You are a huge inspiration to me. Amy, you are so amazing. You are a great friend to my mom and to me as well. I love watching Troy and spending time with him. He is one of my favorite people to spend time with and you definitely are to. I don't think I know anyone who uses pinterest the way you do ;) love you lots! Heather Collins, you are on of my favorite people in the entire world. I think you are absolutely amazing. You are one of the best advice givers ever. I love all our awesome conversations together and I can't wait for our Hunger Games movie night :) Jonny, thanks for being such a joyful person that always knows how to make me smile. You are such a great youth pastor & I am so thankful to have you in my life. :)

- my tuesday night small group :)

Ben, Shannon, Kenneth, Ted, Lauren, Heather, I love you guys. <3 you all make school a whole lot better. I love being able to talk and worship with such amazing people on Tuesday nights :) thank you guys for being such great friends and for always being there 24/7.

- my musical influences :)

now, I know this is a little crazy, but if these artists didn't write music, I wouldn't be the same. Steffany Frizzell, Jeremy Riddle, Jenn Johnson, Jesus Culture, Maroon 5, Justin Bieber, Taylor Swift, Mumford and Sons, Sidewalk Prophets, John Mayer, Adele, & Coldplay. You all write & sing such great music :)

my person.

"when tragedy strikes, we all need that person. the one person you can call no matter what time it is or what is going on, you know that they will be there. you know you can be real with them and they will be real with you. Meredith, that's you. you are my person, you will always be my person." - Cristina, Grey's Anatomy

I've been dealing with an extremely hard relationship with one of (who I thought) my close guy friends lately. It's been hard, there's been tears, and it's just not been easy. I thought he was my person. He made me believe that he was my person, but then he turned around and wasn't. I've tried my best to just hold my head up high and move along. but I have realized something about myself that may or may not apply to you. I am someone that tends to hold everything in and just kinda let things happen. I don't really vent and let everything out. I do at times, but not as much as I should. then, God really told me to rely on my person and to just let it all out, whether its though words, a song, a poem, or even just going outside and sitting on the porch. now, I'm not saying that you should call your person every single time something bugs you and vent and go on for hours on end about every little thing that happens in your life. But what I'm saying is, have a person, or even two or three. don't have too many though, because then it gets difficult. I have 3. Thad, (who I talk about in pretty much every post..he's a big part of my life), Kristina, and Erica. Those 3 are who I talk to every day, and who I know are there for me whenever. going back to the quote, if you haven't watched grey's before, I highly suggest you do. (It's one of my all time favorite shows. It's just flat out amazing and so enjoyable.) Cristina (who is talking) is going through a lot. She's been in a plane crash and she moved from Seattle to Minnesota for a job. She's gone through a whole lot of stuff. She's on the phone with Meredith (the main character) when she says the quote. In the situation I'm in, I'm going to have to let go and move on. I've invested too much into this relationship and it's obviously not mutual. God gives us each a person or a couple people to be there and to help us live life. If I didn't have my person (or people), I wouldn't be the same.

new song lyrics.

verse one

Do you hear that?
Its my heart breaking
Do you see that?
Those are my tears falling
I'm trying to be realistic here
But you won't even try to be
I want you to be who you are
But instead you are a stranger

chorus

I gave you my heart and you broke it
I gave you my hope and you lost it
I thought you were gonna be there
But instead you've changed

verse two

You're unrealistic, unreasonable
You don't even know who you are or what you want
I have told myself you'll come around
But we all know you won't
Don't say you don't know
We all know you do

bridge

I hope one day you return to who you are
I know you'll be fine
I'm just tired of loving someone that isn't even there