things that make me happy.

something I did this morning while I was with one of my best friends, was list out things that make me happy or that i can do to make me feel happy. i thought i'd share my list with you all.

- watching Grey's Anatomy
- being at church with my church family
- sitting at the piano and just worshipping on my own
- talking and laughing with Kristi and Erica 
- writing in my journal
- getting all dressed up and going out for dinner
- taking pictures
- watching/listening to iBethel and reading my bible
- Holy Spirit Nights
- sitting outside watching the rain
- hugs :)
- encouraging notes/texts
- drinking hot chocolate 
- people getting healed
- Michael Buble's voice :)

it's not a long list, but it's my list. it makes me feel happy and it brings me joy. i love the things on this list. i hope this will inspire you to sit down and make your own list. it's surprising how much it helps. :)

best friends.

the definition of a best friend. it's different to everyone. let me describe to you what my definitions look like, because i have many to tell you and they're all different.

definition 1: someone who you can laugh with for hours on end. someone who you can be completely real with no matter what. someone who has a love for God and for music. this is what my definition 1 looks like. her name is Kristi. :)

definition 2: someone who you can talk strictly in inside jokes with and have it actually make sense. someone who you can talk to at anytime about anything at all. someone who cares about others way before she cares about herself. someone who has the Holy Spirit strongly moving through her. this is what my definition 2 looks like. her name is Erica. :)

definition 3: someone who most people don't see the genuine beauty in. someone who has a gentle spirit and knows who she is. someone who never doubts the power of God and knows that He is constantly right by our side watching us and taking care of us. this is my definition 3. her name is krista. :)

definition 4: this one is a little different, but equally as important. people who you can act like a dork around, but they still love you for who you are. people who you can celebrate with, who you can mourn with, who you can just do life with. this is my definition 4, and this is part of my amazing church family.

definition 5: someone who has a great sense of style and of fashion. someone who has great joy and always is optimistic. someone who you can easily talk to and will give you the time of the day no matter what is going on. someone who is confident and genuine. this is my definition 5, and her name is Kaleigh. :)

definition 6: someone who people may think is bold and obnoxious and loud, but actually has a quiet, gentle spirit and love for God. someone who owns her identity and won't change for anyone. someone who is the only female tuba player i know. someone who will be there for you, no matter what comes up or what takes place. this is my definition 6, and her name is Heather. 

definition 7: someone who is a huge role model in your life. someone who creates new slang and vocabulary every single day. someone who has great insight and great wisdom. someone who has checked on me constantly through these past few hard months. someone who has never left my side in the few years I've known him. someone who gives his all no matter what, and who would do anything for the people he loves. this is my final definition 7, and his name is Thad/Thaddeus/Daddeus. 

as you can see, the definition of a bestfriend has different parts. for some of you, there is that one person you have grown up with and you've known them for years. for some, you have a handful of people who are your cheerleaders and who will always catch you when you fall. make the most of the time you have with your best friends. i don't know where most of these girls are going after high school. I may not see some of them again once high school's over. I don't want waste these next two years of high school I still have with them. make the most of the time you have with people in your life. make every moment count. 

recap of 2012.

2012: a year of loss, gain, and change. 

those 3 words perfectly describe this year for me. 

loss. i lost my dad this year. to sum it all up for you, it's awful. it is genuinely honestly awful in every single way possible. there was no light at the end of the tunnel for a while, at least i thought so. i lost someone that i never thought i would have in a million years.  thought my husband was going to ask him for permission to marry me. i thought i was going to have my dad walk me down the aisle at my wedding, and tell my children stories about my childhood. i thought that whenever i would lose hope in myself or in my parenting, that he would be there to encourage me and to give amazing hope. his strength and his guidance still remains, but he's physically gone, here on earth.

gain. i've gained my identity and my faith in my relationship with God. God is my absolute everything. i've learned so much throughout this year about trust with God and how much I still have to learn about him. I've learned about how much he loves me and who I am in his eyes. He's been the constant thing keeping me going in all the pain and hard times I have had this year. I've also realized what relationships are real and which aren't. i've lost a few relationships, but obviously God didn't want them in my life if they aren't in my life now. I've gained an insane amount of strength. One of my favorite verses in the Bible says this: "The joy of the Lord is my strength." That has been the verse that has constantly kept me going in times of doubt or fear in myself. i've basically been forced to grow up this year, and honestly, that's okay with me. I've found who I am and what I'm really about: living my life as a disciple of Jesus. 

change. there has been change in every aspect in my life, both good and bad. my house has had a dramatic makeover and it's so amazing how God did things through that. obviously, i'm now 15. i feel like i'm older than 15 though. i feel like i've walked through so many things already in my life that i didn't think i would have to for a long while. God has changed my heart and he's changed everything about me that wasn't pleasing him. He's completely taken over my life and I've never been happier about that. 

new year, new beginnings. that's my "saying" for 2013. i've gone through so much this year and i've conquered so many obstacles, and i want 2013 to be the best year yet. the enemy has tried to pull me under and has tried to ruin me, but I gave my all to God, and he's remained victorious in my life. I want to make this next year incredible. I want it to be a new start and a new beginning in my life. I want the world to get set on fire with the love of Jesus Christ, and I'm going to do everything in my power to help see that happen. plain and simple. 

awkwardness.

for those of you that enjoy a good awkward story, get ready because I have one. so I was chatting one of my friends on Facebook and she was telling me about how she thought this guy didn't like her and how she felt really bad. well, my phone froze while reading it and it took the last sentence and a half and copied it. I was checking my news feed and as I open the side thing to send her a message, it sent what it had copied to someone that i really wish wouldn't have seen it. It was really awkward. I guess things happen sometimes that we don't want to. finals week is this week in the town that I live in and it's insanely stressful. I am mentally and physically drained. If it weren't for the amazing iBethel videos that I stream while studying, I wouldn't have much motivation. I am a good student and I get A's and B's. I just don't like all the stress that gets put on with finals. but, Friday at 11:30am, I will be on winter break and done with school for a good while.

new year, new beginning & winter playlist. :)

since 2013 is quickly approaching, I wanted to share some of my new year's resolutions/goals.

- spend time with God every night.
- try to look nice everyday.
- speak out & be bold.

These last few months, I've honestly, every night before bed, been spending time with the Father. He's been revealing so much to me and I have never felt His presence and His wisdom so powerful in my life ever. I feel like my dad has a lot to do with it as well. I feel his presence around me at times as well. One of my goals is to spend time every night before bed, reading my bible & having time with the Father. Another goal I have is kinda ridiculous but I really want to try & achieve it. As of late, I've just been throwing on some sweatpants, a tshirt and put my hair in a ponytail for school. I'm not by any means saying its bad, but whenever I take an extra 20 minutes in the morning to actually do something with my hair or do my makeup, it makes me have a more positive outlook on my day. so, I'm going to try and do that more frequently then I currently do at the moment. My last goal is something that I tend to not do a whole lot. I can be really shy and really closed off. I only open up to certain people and that's only if I really trust them. I tried being more loud and that just backfired terribly. I wasn't being me. My goal for this year isn't to be louder vocally, but to be more bold in stepping out in my faith and not letting people stomp all over me. I don't like fighting back with people. I also tend to be really awkward around guys, if Iike them or not. so, that's deck items something else I'm working on. :) ill be updating you guys on how these are going for me & if anything changes.

before I go, I wanted to share some of my favorite songs with you all. :) (some are old, some are new)

she will be loved - maroon 5
the a team - ed sheeran
a thousand years (part two) - christina perri
heart of stone - iko
one thirst - jeremy riddle & steffany frizzell
I really love you - brian & jenn johnson
parking lot party - lee brice
everything has changed - taylor swift & ed sheeran
titanium - david guetta & sia
rochester - mat kearney

nice girls always finish last.

there's a fairly common thing that guys tend to believe: nice guys always finish last. they think that if they are the traditional "nice guy", they won't get the girl they want. well guys, here's some insight to the female mind: that's not true. if anything, it's the other way around. I think it's more like nice girls always finish last. it's usually the girls with the low-cut shirts and the short shorts that guys usually go for. the nice modest girls are usually the ones that get forgotten about. I know me personally, I'm a nice girl. I've been that way forever & I don't plan on changing. God sees me righteous and holy in His eyes & I strive to live owning that truth. But sadly, guys don't always see that. I had a bad heartbreak a few months ago and it took a lot for me to move on & keep going. But, I have and it's good. I guess what I'm saying is this. To all my fellow nice girls out there, keep being you. Don't worry about drastically changing who you are for a guy's attention. To all my nice guys, same thing. Keep being your own your identity in the Father and trust that God made us for relationships and community. To anyone anywhere, most of the time, nice girls finish last. But, if you trust that God has someone for you and that He will handle everything. You may end up finishing first.

nice girls always finish last.

there's a fairly common thing that guys tend to believe: nice guys always finish last. they think that if they are the traditional "nice guy", they won't get the girl they want. well guys, here's some insight to the female mind: that's not true. if anything, it's the other way around. I think it's more like nice girls always finish last. it's usually the girls with the low-cut shirts and the short shorts that guys usually go for. the nice modest girls are usually the ones that get forgotten about. I know me personally, I'm a nice girl. I've been that way forever & I don't plan on changing. God sees me righteous and holy in His eyes & I strive to live owning that truth. But sadly, guys don't always see that. I had a bad heartbreak a few months ago and it took a lot for me to move on & keep going. But, I have and it's good. I guess what I'm saying is this. To all my fellow nice girls out there, keep being you. Don't worry about drastically changing who you are for a guy's attention. To all my nice guys, same thing. Keep being your own your identity in the Father and trust that God made us for relationships and community. To anyone anywhere, most of the time, nice girls finish last. But, if you trust that God has someone for you and that He will handle everything.