thankful.

since its thanksgiving week, I thought i'd share some things I am extremely thankful for this year :)

- God :)

God has definitely became my everything this year. He has definitely shown himself to me in new ways and I've grown so much. I am so thankful to have such an amazing God as him and I am so thankful to be loved by him. I wouldn't be me if I didn't have him.

- My family :)

My mom & my brother have ben my rock through everything that has taken place this past year. I love them to death and I would not be who I am without them. We have been through a whole lot together as they have never left my side. They will always be there for me and I know that 100%. Heidi, i know we aren't blood related, but you will always be my aunt :) you are my person to talk to about everything and anything. You are my person to listen to Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift with, to watch Grey's and Y&R with and to make fun crafty things with. Angie and Ali, I love you two so much. You guys are so inspiring and so amazing. I love you two <3

- My dad <3

Even though my dad is spending time with Jesus right now, I am still incredibly thankful for him. His strength is in me now and he taught me so many valuable thins that I will cherish forever.

- My incredible best friends :)

Kristi and Ricajo, I love you both so much. I know it's only been a few years, but it feels like I've known you two forever. You two are the best friends I could ask for. I love you tel to death. I would do anything for you two and you both are such beautiful, confident daughters of God and you guys continue to inspire and encourage me everyday. You two are the definition of beautiful :) Thanks for being there no matter what and for never leaving my side <3 Krista, you are the most loving person I have ever met. You are so incredible and I love you to pieces. Mento, I wish I saw you more because I honestly haven't seen you in forever. Thanks for all our laughs and all our amazing memories that we have had since kindergarten :) I love you! Heather, thanks for being my person to keep me going and to always be there no matter what. Our band memories will always be the highlight of high school for me. I've loved seeing your relationship with God grow in the past year :) Kales, thanks for always giving incredible advice and for always being there to have a good laugh when we need it. Abbie, you are so amazing and confident. I wish I was you sometimes ;) thanks for all the good times we have together and for all our adventures :) Bradley, David, & Tyler, thanks for all the laughs we've had together. You guys are some of the most hilarious, encouraging people on the planet. :) Amanda, thanks for being so amazing :) I love all our texts and all our hilarious times together. I wish we saw each other more :( Carlie, you are so awesome :) there's more to you then most people realize. I can be myself with you and I love that. You are so gorgeous and you're awesome :) Josh, Patience, & Brys, I love all of you guys. Your family is pretty fantastic, especially because you all are in it. Thanks for everything you guys do :)

- My church & my church family :)

My church is my favorite place in the entire world. I love being there because God is in total control. I love how close we all are and I love that I'm part of such an amazing family. All my Revolution & Kingdom Kids people, thanks for being you. :) you guys are amazing. To my 2 year old class, I love you guys! I am so blessed to get to hang out with you guys and to get to see you guys grow :) to my rev small group girls, I love you all dearly :) you all are the best!

- the adult worship team :)

my favorite thing to do is worship musically. I love doing it on my own, but I also love doing it with the two teams I serve with. Susan & Daniel, thank you for being such incredible role models. You two are amazing leaders and I have learned so much from you two. Martha, Danny, Jeff & Mark, you guys have amazing hearts for worship and I love spending time with you guys. :)


- my rev worship team :)

Judah, thanks for being such a great co-leader in Revolution. I feel so comfortable talking and leading with you and that means the world to me. :) Kristi, Jonny, Brys and Patience, thanks for being so willing to serve and give your all to worship. :) you all are incredible musicians and friends.

- Thad/Daddeus :)

Thad, you are the absolute best. God gave me a seriously amazing gift when he gave me your friendship. You are a mentor and best friend to me. You have always been there. You are my Daddeus and I appreciate you so much. Thanks for putting up with me and for all the wisdom and advice you have given me. I love you so much, thanks for everything.

- my mentors :)

I have already mentioned a few (my mom, Heidi, Ali, Susan, Daniel, Thad) but I want to mention a few more. Morgan, thanks for being my big sister :) I hope I can become such a strong woman of God like you are. I'm so excited for your future with Marek. He's really awesome and genuine and i couldn't be happier for you two. Jo, you are so incredibly beautiful. Your confidence is so encouraging. I respect you so much. You have such a beautiful voice & I love you so much. :) Leah, you are such a great pastor and most of all, friend. You have a way of saying things that I understand them a billion times better. You are a huge inspiration to me. Amy, you are so amazing. You are a great friend to my mom and to me as well. I love watching Troy and spending time with him. He is one of my favorite people to spend time with and you definitely are to. I don't think I know anyone who uses pinterest the way you do ;) love you lots! Heather Collins, you are on of my favorite people in the entire world. I think you are absolutely amazing. You are one of the best advice givers ever. I love all our awesome conversations together and I can't wait for our Hunger Games movie night :) Jonny, thanks for being such a joyful person that always knows how to make me smile. You are such a great youth pastor & I am so thankful to have you in my life. :)

- my tuesday night small group :)

Ben, Shannon, Kenneth, Ted, Lauren, Heather, I love you guys. <3 you all make school a whole lot better. I love being able to talk and worship with such amazing people on Tuesday nights :) thank you guys for being such great friends and for always being there 24/7.

- my musical influences :)

now, I know this is a little crazy, but if these artists didn't write music, I wouldn't be the same. Steffany Frizzell, Jeremy Riddle, Jenn Johnson, Jesus Culture, Maroon 5, Justin Bieber, Taylor Swift, Mumford and Sons, Sidewalk Prophets, John Mayer, Adele, & Coldplay. You all write & sing such great music :)

my person.

"when tragedy strikes, we all need that person. the one person you can call no matter what time it is or what is going on, you know that they will be there. you know you can be real with them and they will be real with you. Meredith, that's you. you are my person, you will always be my person." - Cristina, Grey's Anatomy

I've been dealing with an extremely hard relationship with one of (who I thought) my close guy friends lately. It's been hard, there's been tears, and it's just not been easy. I thought he was my person. He made me believe that he was my person, but then he turned around and wasn't. I've tried my best to just hold my head up high and move along. but I have realized something about myself that may or may not apply to you. I am someone that tends to hold everything in and just kinda let things happen. I don't really vent and let everything out. I do at times, but not as much as I should. then, God really told me to rely on my person and to just let it all out, whether its though words, a song, a poem, or even just going outside and sitting on the porch. now, I'm not saying that you should call your person every single time something bugs you and vent and go on for hours on end about every little thing that happens in your life. But what I'm saying is, have a person, or even two or three. don't have too many though, because then it gets difficult. I have 3. Thad, (who I talk about in pretty much every post..he's a big part of my life), Kristina, and Erica. Those 3 are who I talk to every day, and who I know are there for me whenever. going back to the quote, if you haven't watched grey's before, I highly suggest you do. (It's one of my all time favorite shows. It's just flat out amazing and so enjoyable.) Cristina (who is talking) is going through a lot. She's been in a plane crash and she moved from Seattle to Minnesota for a job. She's gone through a whole lot of stuff. She's on the phone with Meredith (the main character) when she says the quote. In the situation I'm in, I'm going to have to let go and move on. I've invested too much into this relationship and it's obviously not mutual. God gives us each a person or a couple people to be there and to help us live life. If I didn't have my person (or people), I wouldn't be the same.

new song lyrics.

verse one

Do you hear that?
Its my heart breaking
Do you see that?
Those are my tears falling
I'm trying to be realistic here
But you won't even try to be
I want you to be who you are
But instead you are a stranger

chorus

I gave you my heart and you broke it
I gave you my hope and you lost it
I thought you were gonna be there
But instead you've changed

verse two

You're unrealistic, unreasonable
You don't even know who you are or what you want
I have told myself you'll come around
But we all know you won't
Don't say you don't know
We all know you do

bridge

I hope one day you return to who you are
I know you'll be fine
I'm just tired of loving someone that isn't even there

not-so-typical.

well, I've come to realize that I am a not-so-typical high school girl. Instead of using curse words in the halls, I tell people that God loves them and speak truth life into them, just like the Father instructs us to do. Instead of listening to Nicki Minaj or Lil Wayne, I listen to Jesus Culture and Bethel Live because their music speaks truth and gives the glory to whom it is deserved, Jesus. Now, I'm not saying I'm perfect, because I am far from it, but I guess I'm just saying that I'm different then most people at my school. I guess I've just grown up hanging around people older than me and I have gone through things most people don't have to at my age. But you know what? I'm completely okay with it. Giving my life to God and growing in my relationship with him is the best thing that will ever happened to me. I already know that for a fact. I used to be terribly shy and afraid of letting other people see who I really am, but then God released a whole new sense. of identity and boldness into my life and I have never been the same. Recently, a close relationship I had with someone has gone downhill. I thought that I could be completely real with this person, but instead, he's just forgotten about me. We barely speak anymore and I feel like he's a stranger to me now. It has been tearing me apart and I've wanted to just hide in my room and cry for hours on end. Thad, who I have told you about before, told me this: if there are people in your life who are causing you pain & heartbreak and are getting you worked up, you just need to let go. He told me it is easier said than done , and he is definitely right. I finally told the person how I felt, and we are going to try and talk it out. I guess why I'm telling you all of this is because of one simple principle: just be yourself. Don't let your fears get a hold of you and the decisions you make. Let your identity that God has given you shine through. God has given each of us some amazing talents and gifts and He wants us to use them to further the Kingdom. Before I go, I wanted to tell you a story about something God did at my school last week. I had an early dismissal day, and I was sitting in the gym during PE class. This girl who I had just moved here was added to my PE class and so she sat near me on the bleachers. She pulled out a paper from her binder that was full of different bible verses. She began to tear up and she began to wipe her tears with her sweatshirt sleeve. I felt God telling me to encourage her and offer my help to her. I grabbed my backpack and sat down on the bleacher next to her and simply said hello. I told her my name and I asked if she needed any help finding anything around the school or if she had any questions. I asked her did she had found a church in our town or a town near ours. She told me that she was a Christian, but she did some bad things that could not make her good enough to be loved by God. I asked her if she would want to talk to me about it.
She told me that she has struggled with depression and that she finds it hard to see herself as beautiful or smart or anything. She told me that she had a bad relationship with her older brother,
Derek and that she always felt like she couldn't live up to the standard her parents had for her, because Derek was so perfect and smart. She told me how when she moved her she wanted something different, but instead she was forced into a box by herself. I took the paper with the verses and read a couple to her. I began telling her my story and how God has changed my life forever. I asked her if I could pray for her and without a doubt, she agreed. I asked for the Holy Spirit to just fill her up and that she would see the true identity that God has given her. As I began to pray more, she began to cry. A few seconds later, she began to pray in tongues silently to herself. I was so focused on the prayer that I didn't even think once about who could have been listening or watching us, because God just took over. She rededicated her life to God and was incredibly touched by the things I had said to her. I still don't know her name and I don't see her very often, now that I'm in a different class, but when I see her every once in a while in the halls, she has a smile on her face and I know why. :) I love seeing God do things like this. It inspires you to keep going and to keep pursuing Him, even when you want to give up. I encourage you to take one step of faith tomorrow, wherever that may be. Give someone a simple compliment, pray for someone at your school or workplace. You never know when a little conversation from a not-so-typical person can change a life.

time for an update. (including an awesome healing story!)

     hello all. well, i figured it was time for an update. fall 2012 is here. i have mixed emotions about it. i'm happy because i love fall weather, fall food, and the changes that happen. but, i'm also sad because i miss not having to wear a sweatshirt or sweater everywhere. the biggest thing about fall is, you guessed it, school. school is a strange place for me. i have 3 friends that i can truly be myself around, but besides that, it's just me, going about my day. i'm fine with that, but sometimes it just gets too hard to take in. i've been spending time praying and just giving it all to God, because I know that He understands me more than anyone else ever will. he's been doing amazing stuff in my life and i'm so happy. something amazing happened last week, which started all of this. :) 

     i was at the library before school one day and there was a girl in one of the aisles looking at nonfiction books. the funny thing was that there was no one in the library except for myself, the girl and the librarian (who just happened to go to my church). she was in a wheelchair with casts on both of her legs. I was feeling God leading me to pray for her, but i was kinda nervous because i didn't know her very well. the holy spirit gave me the boost i needed to approach her. i said hi to her and asked how she was. i noticed that she had a SWAG (saved with amazing grace) shirt on, which was definitely a good sign. i told her that i really liked her shirt and then i asked if she wanted prayer for her legs. she said that she would love prayer and that she's so glad someone offered. I put my hands on each of her legs and i simply asked for her legs to be healed in Jesus' name and for all pain to leave her body right now. i asked her to test it to see if anything happened. she was hesitant at first, but then she asked for me to help her up. without any struggles, she stood right up and was able to walk with no pain. she began to tear up because she had never been healed like that before. she also asked how i did that. i simply answered that it wasn't me, it was God. she told me that she really appreciated that i prayed for her.

     the day before, i was really struggling. i had felt like no one cared about me and i felt like i was completely worthless. one of my best friends really encouraged me and he told me that there was no need to feel that way, because i was made in God's image, and God is perfect. even though we all mess up and make mistakes, our identity in God is still beautiful and pure. that is what has kept me going for so long. i hope you all are doing well. i'll write again soon.

carpe diem.

carpe diem. seize the day. one of my favorite shows (Grey's Anatomy) began an episode with this quote and it really made me think. of course, i am not a doctor, and i don't work with doctors, but still, the overall idea of it, really makes you think. 

"how annoying is carpe diem? how are we supposed to plan a life, a career, a future when you're always carpe-ing your diem. if we all seized every moment of everyday, there would be no doctors. who would sit through med school? we'd all be too busy living in the now, whatever that means." - Grey's Anatomy.

also, a famous saying has also become popular. YOLO. you only live once. do you only live once on this earth? yes. but does that mean you should go do idiotic things that will not help you what so ever? no. you shouldn't. 

someone very close to me, who is a runner, said this: "I run for those who can't." instead of living for carpe diem or YOLO, shouldn't we have that philosophy? God has given each of us a wonderful, blessed life. we shouldn't spend it doing ridiculous things society think are "cool" or "happening". we should live for God, and we should live to glorify Him, not ourselves or society. are carpe diem and yolo bad overall ideas? no. i do however think you should make the most of your days and live life to the fullest, but it's to what extent you take while using them that really matters. 

summer 2012.

hello once again. I want to apologize for not posting as often as I used to. I have had a very busy few weeks. As many of you have/will, I started school yesterday. It was a pretty decent day actually. Every teacher asked, what did you do this summer? well, I did a lot. Let's start at the beginning. I went to this awesome yogurt place called Cocomero for the first time, I was a summer intern at my church, I turned 15, I had an amazing birthday party, and well, the rest of it wasn't exactly something I wanted to share. One of other teachers said to describe your summer in 3 words. I chose powerful, life-changing, and new. I will always remember this summer, because it was the last one I got to spend it with someone really close to me. I was telling my mom about how much I wish the end of summer would have been more enjoyable and how it ended really bad, but you know what, God's changed my life so much through this that I am so much stronger now because I have His strength built in me. I know that everything will be okay because God has given me this summer to find myself and find my true identity in Him.