Monday, September 9, 2013
well, the whole loneliness issue i dealt with a few months ago is starting to come back into play in the wonderful game called my life. i guess things just aren't exactly ideal at the moment. people think that they know what's best for me and that they should make decisions for me. but the truth is, the decisions i make are my decisions. if i have to make any huge decision, i always make sure God is the one leading the path, even if it's not what i want at the moment. we went through boxes of my dad's things this past weekend and it really shook me up. sometimes things just don't go as planned, and those are the moments where your faith is most tested. i can feel the enemy trying to get at me. he's speaking lies in my head to where it's just making me feel crazy. one of my closest friends has been distant lately. she's been spending most of her time with her other friend. it would take a lot for that to upset me regularly, but something about that has really got to me. school continues to be a struggle. the one friend i do have, i never get to really see and that makes it even more tough. i'm trying to figure this all out, and the only way that i can truly do that successfully, is if i give it all to God. to completely let everything go and trust that He, the provider and healer, will take care of everything. it's way harder than it actually sounds. people at school think that i don't have anything to say and that i'm just this perfect little church girl. i'm here to tell you that statement is far from true. i mess up...a lot. i guess what sets me apart from people at my school is that i rely totally and completely on God. i ask Him for clarity and wisdom. most of the kids at my school either don't care or don't understand what God's about. believe me, i'm trying each and every day to change that. i just ask for your continued prayers as i continue to make my way through junior year. it's been a rough few weeks and i'm trying to let go of all my pain & hurt.