tired of being tired.

there comes a point where you begin to get tired of being tired. that's where i'm at currently. my last day of finals is tomorrow and i'm just so ready for it to be over with. i've just began to feel weak and tired. things just are so wishy-washy right now, i don't even know what's real or what's not. there are these guys that all think it's funny to make jokes at me and make me feel like garbage. they don't even realize how bad it hurts when they always criticize me. i'm just sick of them always doing that to me. i know they're not speaking truth into me and i know not to believe the lies, but it makes it difficult to not let them get to me. i'm just in need of a new start and a new beginning. that's what i'm hoping this summer will be. they all act like they have it all together and that they're superior, but honestly, they all come across as jerks who don't care about anyone but themselves. i'm not saying they don't have any worth, i'm just saying they aren't acting how they should. i'm trying not to let it get to me. hopefully, they'll realize how damaging they are to me and will stop. even if i talk to them, they just see me as weak and useless. i thought they were my friends...guess i was wrong. i'm hoping to spend more time with my friends this weekend to get my mind off things and just have fun. i'm playing in the band at graduation on sunday so that'll be....fun, i guess. summer's almost here! i'm insanely excited for it! 

free.

"i'm running fast and free to You, cause You are the movement and fight in me. I'm running fast and free to You, cause You are my home where I wanna be. come move in me, where I wanna be, come move in me." - Movements by Rend Collective Movement 


i feel like God has something amazing in store for my summer. I don't know what it is, but I'm excited. I miss having joy. I think that when school is over, I will go back to my normal self. I feel so trapped and lonely at school. It's just hard not to feel invisible. It's hard to feel like you're a part of something when people just overlook you and don't give you the time of day. I've been listening to this band lately that I've absolutely adored. They're called Rend Collective Experiment. It's like Mumford & Sons sounding but it's worship music. It's incredible. I've been listening to them when I'm spending time with God because I just feel free and happy when I'm listening to their music. I encourage you to look them up and give them a listen.

to those moments.

do you ever have those moments, where you just forget everything around you, and you focus on the good things? well, i've been doing that lately. it's been nice because i've been able to just not focus on the stress or the crazy things my life contains, but focus on the great things that God has in store for me. i've realized that i've been so afraid of people being gone or leaving me, that i've not stopped to just take things one step at a time. i've been so stressed with school and the end of the school year that i feel like i haven't gotten a chance to catch my breath. all i know is that no one is more ready for school to be done than me. i've had such a hard school year. i have so much to look forward to this summer. i get to just spend time with my friends & family, relax, rest & grow even more in my relationship with Jesus.  i've gone through a lot in my life, and God continue to help me through them all. I know that no matter what the enemy tries to throw at me, that my faith in God and His powerful, wonderful, unfailing love for me will lead me through. I'm victorious through the blood of my Father in Heaven. No matter what, God never fails. He gives us those quiet moments to just sit, pray & rest in the promises that He's made to us and will always keep. so, this post is to those special, precious moments. they're more meaningful than we realize sometimes.

these past few weeks.

hello all. i'm finally back writing on here. i didn't fall off the earth, just so you all know. ;) 

i've been so busy these past few weeks. i've had a lot on my mind lately. i've had a lot happen and take place.

there's this new guy that had been in my Spanish class all year long. i didn't know him very well until second semester when we got moved by each other for a project. about 3 months ago, we finally got to talk and get to know each other. he became the one person that was the light in my day. he was really quiet and to himself, but he would turn and make a quick remark that would make me laugh. about two weeks ago, he told me that he was moving and that he wasn't coming back. he was the one part of my day that never felt lonely or sad. the last day i got to see him was this past Wednesday. we had finished our grammar lesson and we had like 15 minutes to just hang out and talk until it was time to go home. i was sitting in my seat, and he sat in his. we both had finished our homework assignment and so we were just packing our bags. as i was putting my books in my backpack, he said my name and i looked up at him. he asked me how i was and i told him i was alright and i asked him how he was. he told me how he's sad that he's leaving and that he is going home and packing everything up. by the sounds of everything he's told me these past few months, it sounds like his family moves quite frequently. he talked about how much he liked our school district and how he wishes he could stay until he graduates. i told him i wish that could have happened as well. he tells me that i should speak out more because people should hear what i have to say. i smile and before i can say anything, the bell rings. he gets up and walks out the door.  i know it's weird that someone i didn't really know made such an impact on me, but that's how God works sometimes. i couldn't help but tear up, because that one safe person i had is now gone. i only have eight and a half days left, but every single time i go to spanish now, i look at the empty seat next to me and it just triggers a lot of thoughts. i'm not bitter about it because i know that God put him in my life for a significant reason and i'm blessed to have had him in my life, even if it wasn't for very long.

i've also been in the midst of writing a worship song with someone very close to me. he's been there through a lot with me, in the nine months i've known him. he's one of the best guys i've ever known in my entire life. his heart for God is so genuine and real. i absolutely love that, because you can see that through these lyrics. he showed me the lyrics and they just spoke to me very deeply. he then asked if i would want to put music to them and help him finish the song. the next morning, i woke up and went to sit at my piano. i prayed before and told God that i wanted Him to write this song because we want to hear what He has to say to us. within a couple hours, i had the song close to done. God took control and a powerful worship song came out of it. 

i promise i will post more frequently once i'm done with finals and all the cramming that comes with it. i hope you're all doing well.

much love,

- l