not-so-typical.

well, I've come to realize that I am a not-so-typical high school girl. Instead of using curse words in the halls, I tell people that God loves them and speak truth life into them, just like the Father instructs us to do. Instead of listening to Nicki Minaj or Lil Wayne, I listen to Jesus Culture and Bethel Live because their music speaks truth and gives the glory to whom it is deserved, Jesus. Now, I'm not saying I'm perfect, because I am far from it, but I guess I'm just saying that I'm different then most people at my school. I guess I've just grown up hanging around people older than me and I have gone through things most people don't have to at my age. But you know what? I'm completely okay with it. Giving my life to God and growing in my relationship with him is the best thing that will ever happened to me. I already know that for a fact. I used to be terribly shy and afraid of letting other people see who I really am, but then God released a whole new sense. of identity and boldness into my life and I have never been the same. Recently, a close relationship I had with someone has gone downhill. I thought that I could be completely real with this person, but instead, he's just forgotten about me. We barely speak anymore and I feel like he's a stranger to me now. It has been tearing me apart and I've wanted to just hide in my room and cry for hours on end. Thad, who I have told you about before, told me this: if there are people in your life who are causing you pain & heartbreak and are getting you worked up, you just need to let go. He told me it is easier said than done , and he is definitely right. I finally told the person how I felt, and we are going to try and talk it out. I guess why I'm telling you all of this is because of one simple principle: just be yourself. Don't let your fears get a hold of you and the decisions you make. Let your identity that God has given you shine through. God has given each of us some amazing talents and gifts and He wants us to use them to further the Kingdom. Before I go, I wanted to tell you a story about something God did at my school last week. I had an early dismissal day, and I was sitting in the gym during PE class. This girl who I had just moved here was added to my PE class and so she sat near me on the bleachers. She pulled out a paper from her binder that was full of different bible verses. She began to tear up and she began to wipe her tears with her sweatshirt sleeve. I felt God telling me to encourage her and offer my help to her. I grabbed my backpack and sat down on the bleacher next to her and simply said hello. I told her my name and I asked if she needed any help finding anything around the school or if she had any questions. I asked her did she had found a church in our town or a town near ours. She told me that she was a Christian, but she did some bad things that could not make her good enough to be loved by God. I asked her if she would want to talk to me about it.
She told me that she has struggled with depression and that she finds it hard to see herself as beautiful or smart or anything. She told me that she had a bad relationship with her older brother,
Derek and that she always felt like she couldn't live up to the standard her parents had for her, because Derek was so perfect and smart. She told me how when she moved her she wanted something different, but instead she was forced into a box by herself. I took the paper with the verses and read a couple to her. I began telling her my story and how God has changed my life forever. I asked her if I could pray for her and without a doubt, she agreed. I asked for the Holy Spirit to just fill her up and that she would see the true identity that God has given her. As I began to pray more, she began to cry. A few seconds later, she began to pray in tongues silently to herself. I was so focused on the prayer that I didn't even think once about who could have been listening or watching us, because God just took over. She rededicated her life to God and was incredibly touched by the things I had said to her. I still don't know her name and I don't see her very often, now that I'm in a different class, but when I see her every once in a while in the halls, she has a smile on her face and I know why. :) I love seeing God do things like this. It inspires you to keep going and to keep pursuing Him, even when you want to give up. I encourage you to take one step of faith tomorrow, wherever that may be. Give someone a simple compliment, pray for someone at your school or workplace. You never know when a little conversation from a not-so-typical person can change a life.

time for an update. (including an awesome healing story!)

     hello all. well, i figured it was time for an update. fall 2012 is here. i have mixed emotions about it. i'm happy because i love fall weather, fall food, and the changes that happen. but, i'm also sad because i miss not having to wear a sweatshirt or sweater everywhere. the biggest thing about fall is, you guessed it, school. school is a strange place for me. i have 3 friends that i can truly be myself around, but besides that, it's just me, going about my day. i'm fine with that, but sometimes it just gets too hard to take in. i've been spending time praying and just giving it all to God, because I know that He understands me more than anyone else ever will. he's been doing amazing stuff in my life and i'm so happy. something amazing happened last week, which started all of this. :) 

     i was at the library before school one day and there was a girl in one of the aisles looking at nonfiction books. the funny thing was that there was no one in the library except for myself, the girl and the librarian (who just happened to go to my church). she was in a wheelchair with casts on both of her legs. I was feeling God leading me to pray for her, but i was kinda nervous because i didn't know her very well. the holy spirit gave me the boost i needed to approach her. i said hi to her and asked how she was. i noticed that she had a SWAG (saved with amazing grace) shirt on, which was definitely a good sign. i told her that i really liked her shirt and then i asked if she wanted prayer for her legs. she said that she would love prayer and that she's so glad someone offered. I put my hands on each of her legs and i simply asked for her legs to be healed in Jesus' name and for all pain to leave her body right now. i asked her to test it to see if anything happened. she was hesitant at first, but then she asked for me to help her up. without any struggles, she stood right up and was able to walk with no pain. she began to tear up because she had never been healed like that before. she also asked how i did that. i simply answered that it wasn't me, it was God. she told me that she really appreciated that i prayed for her.

     the day before, i was really struggling. i had felt like no one cared about me and i felt like i was completely worthless. one of my best friends really encouraged me and he told me that there was no need to feel that way, because i was made in God's image, and God is perfect. even though we all mess up and make mistakes, our identity in God is still beautiful and pure. that is what has kept me going for so long. i hope you all are doing well. i'll write again soon.

carpe diem.

carpe diem. seize the day. one of my favorite shows (Grey's Anatomy) began an episode with this quote and it really made me think. of course, i am not a doctor, and i don't work with doctors, but still, the overall idea of it, really makes you think. 

"how annoying is carpe diem? how are we supposed to plan a life, a career, a future when you're always carpe-ing your diem. if we all seized every moment of everyday, there would be no doctors. who would sit through med school? we'd all be too busy living in the now, whatever that means." - Grey's Anatomy.

also, a famous saying has also become popular. YOLO. you only live once. do you only live once on this earth? yes. but does that mean you should go do idiotic things that will not help you what so ever? no. you shouldn't. 

someone very close to me, who is a runner, said this: "I run for those who can't." instead of living for carpe diem or YOLO, shouldn't we have that philosophy? God has given each of us a wonderful, blessed life. we shouldn't spend it doing ridiculous things society think are "cool" or "happening". we should live for God, and we should live to glorify Him, not ourselves or society. are carpe diem and yolo bad overall ideas? no. i do however think you should make the most of your days and live life to the fullest, but it's to what extent you take while using them that really matters. 

summer 2012.

hello once again. I want to apologize for not posting as often as I used to. I have had a very busy few weeks. As many of you have/will, I started school yesterday. It was a pretty decent day actually. Every teacher asked, what did you do this summer? well, I did a lot. Let's start at the beginning. I went to this awesome yogurt place called Cocomero for the first time, I was a summer intern at my church, I turned 15, I had an amazing birthday party, and well, the rest of it wasn't exactly something I wanted to share. One of other teachers said to describe your summer in 3 words. I chose powerful, life-changing, and new. I will always remember this summer, because it was the last one I got to spend it with someone really close to me. I was telling my mom about how much I wish the end of summer would have been more enjoyable and how it ended really bad, but you know what, God's changed my life so much through this that I am so much stronger now because I have His strength built in me. I know that everything will be okay because God has given me this summer to find myself and find my true identity in Him.

..amazing how you take my breath away.

hey guys, how's it going? i hope all is well. so, i just wanted to tell you about this amazing artist that I'm obsessed with. his name is AJ Rafael and he's amazing. His voice is just simply perfect and I love him! His YouTube videos are so good. Some are funny, some are serious. One of his newest songs is called Beautiful Escape and it's been my song these past few days. I'll link it at the bottom of my post. :) anyways, i'm almost back at school. my first half day is in a week, i can't believe it. i've had such an amazing summer for the most part. as you all know, i'm a summer intern at my church and it's been the highlight of my summer, hands down. it's been so much fun, getting to help out with the different areas of the church and helping out. it's also been great hanging out with my best friends and having a bunch of memories. i'm truly hoping that next summer, i am able to intern again. :)  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=stsaI8aPkrI&feature=channel&list=UL 

an update.

hey bloggers. sorry it's been so long since I've posted on here. I have had a lot go on in the past few weeks. My world was turned upside down. Someone very close to passed away and is no longer with me. During these few weeks since it happened, I have learned and experienced so much emotion and almost every feeling. It's been hard but God has been right next to me helping me along the way. I have had joy in these mourning times, even though it was hard to not cave in and let the Enemy win. I told myself and God that I wasn't going to let the Enemy run my life. That's not what God wants and that's what I want. The person I lost always told me to trust God even when it felt like it was the end of the world. They always trusted God and gave their all to God. As I start to go back to school, I am extremely nervous. I am very awkward at school. I have about 4 close friends, and that's it. I guess I just don't have a clique or group to fall into. I'm just me. Last year, I had some upper classmen in my lunch period, that were also in band, that would sit at my lunch table. My friend Heather and I would always talk and laugh with them. But this year, I don't know who I'm gonna have in my classes or my lunch period. I'm just praying God gives me friends in my classes and good teachers. alright, that's enough school talk. I started liking someone recently. :) it's exciting. I was in a relationship earlier this year that ended badly and I was extremely hurt by it. I was terrified of opening my heart again but I've started to feel more comfortable with all of that again. I have been praying that God will just bring me peace with that whole area of my life because it was really discouraging me. He's made me realize that he has someone out there for me. If I worry about what may or many not happen & keep my heart closed off, I'm never gonna know when God is at work or when the right person is right in front of me. my song for this post is gone in the morning by newton faulkner. it's one of those songs where you hear it and you just feel happy. :) I'll write back soon. thank you guys for reading. it means the world to me. :D

all of the while, it was you.

hello to whomever is reading this. i hope you all are doing well. it feels like forever since i've wrote anything on here, even though it hasn't been too long. well, i had my birthday party last night. it was so much fun. i actually really enjoyed having most of my best friends all in one place. even though we all (for the most part) go to the same church, we don't mesh together as well as I thought we did. i was sad because someone I really wanted to go texted me last minute because he had something come up last minute. but, the rest of the party was decent. I had a good time. there were things that I wish had gone differently but things aren't always perfect. my birthday is on Monday. :) i'm excited for that. i always love birthdays. they make me happy. :) it's the one day of the year when everyone gets a day to celebrate them. i don't exactly know what i'm going to do, but i'm hopefully going to hang out with my friends. :D anyways, there's been this song that has really inspired me this week by Landon Pigg called Falling In Love at a Coffee Shop. it's a great song. it talks about when you first start to really fall for someone. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=erywPdFfORE) the line that i'm absolutely in love with is this line: "i think that possibly, maybe i'm falling for you." i love that line. it's such a cute, yet powerful lyric. i've started liking someone that i hadn't even thought i would. it's great. anyways, i've really been into fashion as of late. i've been into matching things and different fashion trends. Kales is my fashionista. she knows how to match things and she knows what is cute and what isn't. we went through my entire wardrobe and she showed me what looks good together and what doesn't. i would say before the summer, my fashion sense was about a 7.5/10 but now i would say i'm a 9/10. :) so, that's good. i may post a few DIY (do-it-yourself) things that I did this week, but who knows. I start work back up this week, so that'll be a challenge. i'll write more soon. keep dreaming. :)

love, the girl behind the camera.