2012: a year of loss, gain, and change.
those 3 words perfectly describe this year for me.
loss. i lost my dad this year. to sum it all up for you, it's awful. it is genuinely honestly awful in every single way possible. there was no light at the end of the tunnel for a while, at least i thought so. i lost someone that i never thought i would have in a million years. thought my husband was going to ask him for permission to marry me. i thought i was going to have my dad walk me down the aisle at my wedding, and tell my children stories about my childhood. i thought that whenever i would lose hope in myself or in my parenting, that he would be there to encourage me and to give amazing hope. his strength and his guidance still remains, but he's physically gone, here on earth.
gain. i've gained my identity and my faith in my relationship with God. God is my absolute everything. i've learned so much throughout this year about trust with God and how much I still have to learn about him. I've learned about how much he loves me and who I am in his eyes. He's been the constant thing keeping me going in all the pain and hard times I have had this year. I've also realized what relationships are real and which aren't. i've lost a few relationships, but obviously God didn't want them in my life if they aren't in my life now. I've gained an insane amount of strength. One of my favorite verses in the Bible says this: "The joy of the Lord is my strength." That has been the verse that has constantly kept me going in times of doubt or fear in myself. i've basically been forced to grow up this year, and honestly, that's okay with me. I've found who I am and what I'm really about: living my life as a disciple of Jesus.
change. there has been change in every aspect in my life, both good and bad. my house has had a dramatic makeover and it's so amazing how God did things through that. obviously, i'm now 15. i feel like i'm older than 15 though. i feel like i've walked through so many things already in my life that i didn't think i would have to for a long while. God has changed my heart and he's changed everything about me that wasn't pleasing him. He's completely taken over my life and I've never been happier about that.
Leah, i love the simplicity, yet directness of your words. This is an inspiring written work, where you don't belabor any one portion; you just state things plain and simple. sometimes getting your thoughts across doesn't need to be lengthy, and you've proven that here. well written. you've gone through a lot, and you've come a long way. inspiration doesn't come close. maybe aweserous does. maybe.
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